In late 2003, Playtrek had a fun limerick contest, with prizes going to all participants. Hilarity ensued. Below are the results.
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“I’m going home!” C. Apple said with a screech “Ol’ Virginny is now within reach” Now thrilled to hysteria, Gone from Iowan Siberia Now he surfs not the web, but the beach. |
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A tribute to Playtrek, my dear So much to tell, every year In nineteen ninety seven Begins virtual toy fan heaven Cost plus shipping is here! |
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Although I access my computer in mips I can't keep track of all my purchasing trips and tho I access with PADDs all I can say is E-gads As my collection inventory fills two iso-linear chips |
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As a collector I can't justify my antics A frenzy of spending and hoarding and E-bay panics And while Star Trek's no longer in fashion I feel no reduction in passion It's a definite paradox of temporal mechanics... |
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At Quark's in December two thousand and one Playtrekfest Vegas has just begun So let's have a beer With cross dressin' Bashir And thanks to Joe for arranging the fun |
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Deluxe Mayweather is want we all want to get cause it would so nicely complete the bridge set. But figure sales have so far declined that Art Asylum has changed their mind So we're now stuck with no helm, frustrated and upset. |
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Eggler has plenty a quirk, He favors the old Captain Kirk, If you give him Picard, He’ll bitch really hard, And pine for the talent-less jerk. Winner: Best Aimed at Eggler catagory |
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Even though Eggler’s no Erik Estrada He’s a player in the democratic armada But his co-workers freaked, His name on Google they seeked And there was Bina doing a wicked lambada Winner: Best Aimed at a Playtrekker catagory Winner: Best Aimed at Eggler catagory |
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First, the limited figure Picard left me emotionally scarred. ‘oh my!’ ‘it was… fun.’ to have had every one; now my collection is permanently marred.
Then the limited figure of Yar |
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For Melissa Perry, a gal who’s a Peach, Trek collecting has been reduced to a niche While dressed warm in it’s snuggies Li’l Perry fills up it’s Huggies Melissa yells, “We’ve got a warp core breach!!” |
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Hello my name is Tim And I'm going out on a limb I loved the Playmate toys Because they gave me so much joy Now they are gone and my life is dim
Now Art Asylum is here |
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Here's my challenge to all To add tales you recall Contests and dates Playtrek moments of great Fond memories please post for us all |
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I could debate the merits of Trek, But compared to B5, it’s a wreck Give me the Narn and Centauri, The Drazi, Vorlons, and Minbari, Because Enterprise is totally dreck |
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I don't think I'm willing to pay, The prices they charge on E-Bay. Good thing Playtrek exists, I will post all my want lists And again, some kind soul saves the day! |
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I had also wanted to see more Playmates figures from the Dominion War: Admiral Ross, Martok, Kai Wynn Weyoun, the Founder, the Breen Cassiday Yates, Ensign Nog, and Damar. |
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In California lives Playtreker Rei Whose name rhymes with "private eye" It was with just cause He pointed out my faux pas As Chris is one hell of a guy |
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In December of ninety nine Clearance heaven was mine I rolled out the door Target exclusives galore Custom fodder, truly divine! |
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In nineteen ninety eight January third was the date The grand opening Of the experience scene Las Vegas it was great! |
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In Playtrek California is Chris Rei A CPA in the entertainment industry Beyond Star Trek he thrives On Baby-a- lon Five A fine toy to collect, I must agree |
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In Playtrek Maryland lives Joan A great TOS fan of Bones She's also ImdeadJim Yet this is not grim An expression of wit with a groan :-) |
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In Playtrek Wisconsin there is Dean Whose trek childhood we have seen* Every year he's our host For Toys for Tots that we post Kind of heart, virtual Santa Dean. |
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It seem Bill Eggler never wins, They keep making Picards for his sins, He can rant and can rave Too many Picards from his grave, It's punishment so send Hillary's pins. |
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Melissa does more working than play T'was at a security seminar today Her message was spoofed Not her ISP's goof But an email imposter's foray.... |
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Melissa emailed a limerick to please And took care to hit send with ease but her computer was geeked and her ISP freaked so it posted to the list in threes |
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Michael buys toys 'til he's dizzy, But when FedEx arrives, he's too busy, His knickers in a twist, I need service! he insists, And unloads on the rep with a tizzy. |
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Michael paid big bucks to Unobtanium, Expecting perfection at a minimum, Then he beat on his chest, Nearing cardiac arrest, When the company went into oblivion |
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Michael posts to the group when he's pissed, 'bout a new Rittenhouse card he just missed, he pounds out his posts, on the companies he roasts, It's OK, calm down, we get the gist. |
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Mike H. often goes spastic, Vowing to do something drastic, But I think that this member Would do well to remember, Christ, they're only small hunks of plastic! Winner: Most Humorous catagory |
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Mint-on-Card or To Open I do ponder But pristine mint within plastic I find fonder Is it toy, or is it art? With variations to fill a cart My kids inheritance on these toys I do squander |
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Mr. Apple's an interesting guy, Always has a punchline on the fly, He’s jolly and cool, But nobody’s fool, And his collection would just make you cry. |
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Mr. Worf, his heart on the shelf Two wives lost through plotting and stealth They battled with crazies Now they’re pushing up daisies Now he must “polish the Bat’leth” himself Winner: Most Humorous catagory |
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Newforce comics is the best place, For your toy collecting home base, His prices are right, He ships overnight, And the box brings a smile to your face. |
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Obsessed with new toys from Asylum So many I just toss and pile 'em The closets are full And this is no bull On sale, I can't help but buy them |
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Once there were Barclay, Yar, and Picard, Finding these guys was particularly hard, Rarely found on the peg, You spent an arm and a leg The sinister plan of a corporate retard Winner: Best Star Trek Toy Related catagory |
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Playmates Inc set a trap to ensnare us “Buy our toys and we‘ll not embarrass” They promised to make the main crews According to Mara’s good news, Then they screwed us with PJs on Paris |
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Playtrek once had a contest for limerick And Clint wanted to post some off topic Roberto said it wouldn't be wise 'Cause it won't win you a prize Yet it's okay if you behave quixotic |
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Playtreker Kelly's a slacker Who makes Lego toys with a lacquer* She wrote a great book** By hook or by crook And that's why they call her Uslacker Winner: Best Aimed at a Playtrekker catagory |
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Playtrekkers of the Month share the joy when they go above and beyond for that toy from Australia, conventions fast food meals, close-out bins Earning our thanks and an "All Good Things" Troi Winner?: Best Playtrek Related catagory |
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Rene Bousquet has a jpeg or two, For the rest of us here to get a clue, The enormity of his sites, Impresses me to new heights, But who gives a f&@k if the weapons are blue? |
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Riddle me this about Andy, His knowledge of toys is quite handy, But when alone with his fowl, He needs use of a towel, ‘Cuz with that duck he tends to get randy |
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Roberto asked us to write down a verse for the sake of bandwidth keep it terse relate it to toys like good girls and boys, hell this should win the prize for the worst. Winner: Best Playtrek Related catagory |
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Roberto is our grand Playtrekker king, Would give his eye teeth to hear Jeff Lynne sing, Compared with Sleestak and Chaka, Enterprise is pure caca, But he sure likes to do that PlayTrek thing. Winner?: Best Aimed at a Playtrekker catagory |
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Roddenberry is "gobe" he noted. In Klingon I thought he had quoted. In wondering why, I realized with a cry. When using Web TV spelling is coded! |
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Star Trek V, The Final Frontier In Special Edition is released this year I recoil just a bit Two discs full of s#!t Would go better in Bill Shatner’s rear! Winner: Most Humorous catagory |
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Target and Wal-Mart are bare. The cashier just gives me a stare. You know what I mean, She's sexy and green, I've looked but those Vina's aren't there! |
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The figures I've bought at the store, Are stored in boxes galore, Though Playmates is gone, My collecting goes on, And AA has made me buy more. |
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The figures sure disappear quick. The scalpers sure have a good schtick. Through the toy aisles I walk, Where the collectors all stalk, I guess I'll just buy them from Rick. |
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The Playmates figures are dead Their katras have gone on ahead. But thanks to AA We continue to play... And my bank balance stays in the red. Winner: Best Star Trek Toy Related catagory |
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The story of Roberto our Rex, a fellow from the south a true Tex, Now Patty his wife almost ended his life, You buy one more toy no more SEX! |
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There was a trekker named Chuck who at work drove a Western white truck. His wife to the root almost gave him the boot, you buy one more toy boy you're f---. |
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There was a young man named Ted, Went to college to fill up his head, His career was a race, To get into space, But he wound up in Uranus instead. |
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There once was a collector named Freddy Who for trek toys with money was ready. Until one night his wife, Took out a big knife, After that he was rather unsteady. |
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There once was a communications officer named Hoshi Who came from a town called Kirayoshi. But then Michael came along And got her name wrong So everyone shouted, "Her name is not TOSHI!" |
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There once was a company named Playmates Which every Playtrekker now berates It sure did annoy When they made a limited toy It's a practice that everyone now sure hates |
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There once was a group named Playtrek Who watched as the franchise became a train wreck Alias but they would post Because of their fabulous host For without Roberto there would be no Playtrek Winner: Best Playtrek Related catagory |
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There once was a guy name of Apple, And if you asked the Playtrekker papple, I think you would find (At least in his mind) He's screwed every crewwoman but Chapel! Winner: Best Aimed at a Playtrekker catagory |
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There once was a limerick or two about Playtrek and and all that we do But Star Trek in verse? It could have been worse, like a sonnet, an ode, or haiku |
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There once was a lurker named mark Who finally came out of the dark He said with a smile Been here quit awhile I just now decided to hark |
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There once was a man named Jim Garber Who made buying Trek toys so much harder Tried to make Picard fun When he said "I'll make 1701!" In the process he became Playmates' martyr |
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There once was a new Playtrekker named Mark Go to MyStarTrekToys.com! he would bark On his site, put a song Some would say it's all wrong So he decried, "It was only a lark!" Winner: Best Aimed at a Playtrekker catagory |
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There once was a Playtreker based in Florida whose service and deals would please ya Rick will gladly ship right away any toy like Newforce Janeway just don't ask him about that girl Martika. |
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There once was a Playtreker named Andrew whose Playtrekfest visit might make you blue for he would play with and pose all your trek figures with no clothes until they'd break and need crazy glue. |
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There once was a Playtreker named Andy Whose marketing skills came in handy He made us all shirts On prenumbered inserts And his Playtrek Duck is a dandy |
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There once was a Playtreker named Mellisa Perry whose antics would make you so merry For she'd play and pose Star Trek dolls in Barbie clothes. Sisko looks good in a dress that's red as a cherry. |
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There once was a Playtreker who searched a store for a toy. He pushed and knocked over every little girl and boy. There he found hanging fresh minty on card was yet another figure of Captain Picard. So Bill Eggler simply murmered "Oh Joy". |
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There once was a Playtrekker exotic Whose behavior was often neurotic He did strange things, I fear Like stick them way up his rear And enjoyed it as something erotic |
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There once was a PlayTrekker named Heinz. When not getting his toys he wheinz. Venting his distaste with utter haste. Let's hope most of us don't mind. Winner: Best Playtrek Related catagory |
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There once was a Playtrekker named Ian He fancied himself a blue Andorian He's just an Aussie fellow Who's now turnin' yellow 'Cause all over his uniform he's peein' |
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There once was a Playtrekker named Rick Hearing "Toy Soldier" made his groin tick She was a young mousketeer Made him grin ear to ear When she proceeded to suck on his d**k |
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There once was a Roberto the king, to events a brisket he'd bring. He enjoyed ELO, but whats stranger ya know, collecting Trek toys was his thing! Winner: Participation Award catagory |
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There once was a Spock who kept secret what good little Playtrekkers would get for their holiday gifts were rarely misfits all thanks to Doug Meacham I bet. |
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There once was a trekker named Dave Who became an action figure slave He bought Star Trek figures galore As he traveled from store to store But now he can only rant and rave |
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There once was a trekker named Kel whose Star Trek Collection did swell. She tried to amass all Star Trek toys to the last but to her roommate it was but toy hell. |
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There once was a young man named Andy, who's talent with toys was very handy. The toys he would pose but all that this shows, is Andy is really quite ramy. |
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There once was a young man named Andy, who's talent with toys was very handy. The toys he would pose but all that this shows, is Andy is really quite ramy. |
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there once was an episode called "tapestry" which showcased Q in all his majesty but when the time came for toys to be done there were made only 1701 and the whole situation became a crapestry Winner: Participation Award catagory |
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There was a action figure named Kirk The other figures thought him a jerk He said I don`t care Make fun of my hair Without me you would be out of work Winner: Most Humorous catagory |
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There was a young man for New York In politics was where he did work With trek toys he would play All night and all day But mention Picard and he would get torqued Winner: Best Aimed at Eggler catagory |
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There was once a collector named Eggler, Playtrek's resident heckler, Who often each day, Had something pithy to say, Hmm. . .don't know how to end this exectler. Winner?: Best Aimed at Eggler catagory |
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There was once a Playtreker who did nothing but complain. It drove everyone else on the mailing list insane. Til one day someone finally got tough and declared that enough was enough and told him to start using his brain.* |
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There was once a PlayTrekker named Dave Who had a dead whore in a cave She was missing one tit and Smelled like shit But look at the money he saved. |
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Twas an actress named Genevieve Bujold Whose performance in “Coma” was pure gold But when doing Janeway She worked but one day “Out the airlock” was what she was told! |
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Two sets of Playtrekkers did feud, Exchanged insults unbearably rude, About whether to open Or leave cards unbroken, World War III then ensued. Winner: Best Playtrek Related catagory |
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We Playtrekkers will never forget the Playmates figures we did not get: no Ezri or Wedding Daxes, 9” Quark or Belanna Torres to complete our ‘main characters’ set. |
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There once was a post about Galactica It landed with such an impactica A entire country defamed The extinguishing of a sure-to-be flame Was promptly handled by Dasdasa |
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There was a gay lad from Seattle Who was not a stranger to battle renew my subscription he said but their phone lines went dead and off with his money they skidattled |
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A "breaking the rules" haiku entry...
Mailbox is Empty |
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Insert your limerick (or haiku) here |
Platyrek's Mysterious Benefactor, aka Secret Sloane, has been kind enough to supply Trek goodies for various Playtrek contests over the years, including the prizes for this very Limerick contest. As a simple way of saying 'thanks', here's some limericks just for him.
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Belated thanks to mysterious Benefactor Recognition is not the determining factor Unlike a ham captain named Kirk Playtrek's benefactor is no jerk Thanks a lot mysterious benefactor |
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Playtrek has our own Secret Sloane A benevolent soul he has shown If he has a Trifold Borg And it's not dead in the morgue Perhaps he'll give it as a loan |
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As a benefactor, he is mysterious And with contests he will query us For all Playtrek girls and boys He provides prizes and toys And leaves everyone feeling delirious |
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While the long list of prizes was generous, Our benefactors remain anonymous Playtrekkers rhymed with glee And would have done it for free, Color us grateful, every single one of us |